Tuesday 3 May, 2011

I'm ba...no I'm not gonna say that again

This is strange. I've been here before. Oh yeah now I remember, its my blog!

I know what you're thinking and I can explain why I haven't been blogging. Its just that for the last one year I was tailing Osama in a special joint operation with the CIA and finally we killed that douchebag. So now I finally got some time to blog.

No! I was just being lazy you know...playing video games, watching TV and movies and other stuff and I forgot to write about all the embarrassing stuff I did in my everyday life.

But now I have realized the truth. I'm a grown up now (sort of), so I shouldn't spend my time playing games and watching TV. I should take charge of my life and perform some responsibilities. Here's what I'm gonna do now. I'm gonna find a job, maybe do some research about higher studies, try my luck with GRE, apply to some universities abroad and decide what I'm gonna do with my life. 

Oh wait a second...I got a job, I aced GRE and I have applied to some foreign universities! So I guess I'll just figure out what I'm gonna do with my life...I'll just stay home, play video games, watch TV until I get my call letter. But I guess that's what I was doing already.

***

Hope that answered what I've been doing since my long absence from blogging. Right now I got almost everything an early ty-ager would want from his life. I am twenTY one, making me a TY ager. See I just made up a word for my convenience just like that guy in that HTC Pulse mobile phone ad who makes up a word called zoot for the convenience of a game of scrabble. Do ad film makers actually think before making ads like that? Isn't it just ridiculous, thinking that if you have a mobile phone with an internet connection you can do anything? Maybe even start a revolution to topple a government? (an exception would be Libya...think about it for a second, their government was so weak that a social networking site was responsible for its downfall.)

Another ridiculous one is the Kellogg's Special K ad in which they say if they eat that stuff twice everyday for two weeks you can lose *upto* two pounds. Then the narrator with the cool voice says that research has shown that by having healthy eating habits people can become slim. Now, the people who watch this ad maybe stupid, but they gotta be real dumbasses if they haven't figured this out themselves. If that piece of information was found out using research then the researchers were real dumbasses.

But the ads which really make my blood boil are the cosmetic ones which really sound as if to make women have a really low self esteem. There's this anti-ageing cream ad in which two couples are having dinner together and one of the women tells the other that there is no need for such creams at the age of 30. 5 years later the woman who uses the advertised cream is living happily with her husband while the other woman is sad because her husband doesn't pay attention to her enough. And the happy woman says its not too late and gives her the cream. What is wrong with this ad? First of all, here's a little information for some woman out there, if your husband doesn't pay attention to you, its probably because your his wife, its bound to happen. You can dress skimpily, that might help (but not in public places, that's perceived a little differently). Second of all, if your husband does not love you because your old, then he probably didn't love you for your character, you should figure that out yourself. So you can divorce him, get yourself an older husband who will find you new, and your ex-husband can get himself a newer wife who will eventually get old, but hey, you'll still get half of his assets and alimony!

And oh the fairness creams! First they said you didn't look fair so you needed to use that cream. Now they're saying that your face is fair but your body doesn't match the fairness of your face so you need another cream for that! Now if these ads were shown in the US or any other country with black people having an appreciable amount of self esteem they'd have sued these companies for offending them by pointing out racist differences. Well if these ads could be applauded for not showing any sort of discrimination then that would be gender based descrimination because there are fairness creams for men also. As Virat Kohli points out, performance off the pitch matters just as much as on the pitch in his Fair and Lovely ad. If Martin Luther King thought that having a darker skin complexion is in someway not good then black people might still be considered inferior to white people. Which is in fact true in India as I know of some people darker in complexion made fun of because they are darker in complexion. Black chicks would dig them if they went to the US or the Caribbean.

So what I am trying to say is, ad makers should take some social responsibility when making ads and not just do what they are told to. The whole strategy of advertising is to make people believe that people think they need something even if they don't and scare the living shit out of them into making them buy. If you look at the moral of the story for each ad film this is what it will be: If you are not fair then use a fairness cream; otherwise you'll never get a date, never fall in love, never get married and you will die a virgin. If you don't have this mobile phone then you won't be able to update your facebook status and your other friends with cooler phone will think that your so yesteryear. If you don't have a pension plan, after you retire, your children will abandon you and you will live in the streets. If you don't have insurance you will die and your family will be left nothing.

Hope you think about why you are buying something before buying it before you fall for this corporate conspiracy.

***

"I decided to keep this post short, so that I don't run out of stuff to write about next time. And hopefully next time wont come a month later."

This was how I ended my last post on Feb 2010. I'm frankly surprised you haven't killed me for my lies. I'm even more surprised you have taken the time off your day to read my blog. Thank you very much. I'm hoping to blog even more. Lets see how that works out.

The Eggman.

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